Maya's Darker Days
by Ghastly Hart
Summary: Maya's life starts to spiral out of her control. It'll take all her friends and family to help pull her back.
1. Chapter 1

6:50 AM. She was late. Maya fumbled in the dark, her hands passing over dirty clothes and soda bottles before finding it. She held the lighter close to her chest, as if the cheap piece of plastic would protect her from all the horrors in her life. Tracing her thumb over the smooth piece of metal at the top, she tried to muster the strength to get out of bed. She hadn't fallen asleep until, when 3? She had stopped shaking around 2:30. Maybe she could just take today off. Hadn't she given enough? But then she thought of Riley's disappointed face if Maya blew her off. The soulful puppy dog eyes.

"Damnit Riles, why'd you gotta ruin my sleep like that." Throwing back the covers, Maya rolled out of bed with a grimace. Breakfast. Flicking the lighter between her fingers like a drumstick, she crept by her passed-out mother in the living room as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Let's see, we've got empty cereal box, warm beer, box of wine, can of chicken noodle…aha!" Maya pulled out a partially disintegrated box of pop tarts. Reaching inside, she pulled out two loose cigarettes. She then turned around, and upon opening the fridge found a single-serve orange juice bottle.

"The breakfast of champions right here." Scanning the trash littering the apartment floor, Maya noticed her backpack tucked under her mother's recliner.

"Sorry Mr. Matthews, but not today." The apartment door didn't even swing shut before Maya lit the first cigarette, the nicotine calming her almost instantly. She exhaled, and in her mind, all her anxiety and sadness left with each breath

 _Buzz_

"Hey loser, it's me!"

"Maya!" Riley flung open the door with a smile a mile wide across her face. Maya laughed a little.

"What, Riles, miss me or something? It's only been three days." Riley grabbed Maya's hand in reply and dragged her over to the kitchen table.

"Yes but we never don't see each other on the weekends. It was dreadful." Cory is struck with an indignant look on his face.

"Hey!" he interrupted, "Riley Matthews, spending a weekend with your grandparents is not dreadful. Family is important. Right Topanga?" Topanga turns from preparing breakfast.

"Yes, dear your parents are wonderful…" Topanga's monotone sarcasm was so obvert that even Auggie giggled. "So, Maya, would you like some eggs and toast?" Maya shook her head quickly in reply.

"No it's alright, thank you Mrs. Matthews. I had a big breakfast. My mom brought home a coffee cake from the diner." Topanga stared Maya down for a moment before being forced to accept it. Riley scarfed down her breakfast as Maya bounced her nails rhythmically on the table.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Topanga ran her arm over Cory's shoulder as he stared hard at the front door.

"I think she's smoking" he said quietly, so that Auggie wouldn't pick up on it.

"Are you sure? Is it the smell? I noticed too, but I assumed Katy-"

"It's not just the smell. It's her demeanor, her hand motions. I don't know exactly, but she looked like a carbon copy of Shawn when he was doing it."

"I don't remember Shawn ever smoking."

"Shawn did a lot of things he wasn't proud of."

END CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

9:00 am.

"Belgium, 1831. The country –"

"Dad, I don't know what to do with my life and it's scary." Riley's hand shot up as she said this. The stress in her voice would've been concerning if it wasn't so adorable, Maya mused. No, no, Riley wouldn't…there's no point anyways. Stop thinking about it.

"Riley, are you okay?" Mr. Matthews was kind. Maya had to smile in spite of herself. It didn't matter that Riles lost her mind about something every other day. Each time he treated her with respect and seriousness and…love.

"Pretty soon we're gunna be in high school, and we'll have to pick colleges and jobs and that's just," Riley's head drooped into her hands. "It's too much pressure, Dad."

"What did you want to be when you grew up, Mr. Matthews?" There he was, Ranger Rick, right on cue. Maya stared at him out of the corner of her eye. She couldn't figure out what Riley sees in him.

"Thank you for asking, Lucas. When I was a kid, I was dead set on playing baseball." Mr. Matthews, ever the actor, swung an imaginary bat and peering into the back of the class to see his pretend ball soar. Maya snorted. He'd give her mother a run for her money if there was an award for more overdramatic performance.

"Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by not knowing what they want to be when they grow up?" Mr. Matthews asked. He had regained his composure as quickly as he had just discarded it. The entire class raised their hands except for Farkle. "Farkle, you're certain you know what you want to be?"

"I'm going to divide my working hours between being the CEO of all fortune 500 companies and being president for life of the United States."

"Farkle, this is history class, we've been over this. A president can only serve eight years; we don't have a president for life." Mr. Matthews was making a very stern face, but Maya could tell he was amused.

"Not yet." Farkle smirked smugly at Mr. Matthews.

"Maya? What about you?"

"Huh?" Maya had been so engrossed in watching everyone else she had almost forgotten she was actually there.

"What do you want to do when you grow up?"

"I have no clue, sir."

"So why didn't you raise your hand?"

"You asked if she was overwhelmed. Nothing could overwhelm Maya." Riley beamed at Maya after saying this, proud as a peacock, thinking she knew her best friend inside and out. Maya wanted to puke. 'I don't deserve Riles,' she thought. 'She's too good for me.'

"Besides, she's going to be an artist. Right Maya?"

"Exactly right, Riley. Thunder!"

"Lightning!" They held up their arms, rings pressed together. Riley's smile was intoxicating.

7:00 pm.

Maya sat on the edge of her window, taking in the night sky below. She slowly exhaled before flicking the cigarette down into the alley below, disgusted with herself for picking up this new habit.

"Yaknow, Cigarettes are the leading cause of preventable death" Farkle's head poked up from the fire escape.

"Really, I thought it was you talking." Maya thought she could get a laugh out of him, but Farkle just stared off into the horizon. "Geez, tough crowd."

"What's going on Maya?" Maya crawled the rest of the way out of her window to join Farkle.

"We're sitting on a fire escape"

"Don't bullshit me!" Farkle's voice cracked slightly as he yelled.

"Ooh, Farkle, using his big boy words. Better watch yourself, otherwise Daddy Minkus will get mad at you."

"He doesn't even know I'm here." Farkle's voice quieted just like it had grown. The rapid shifts reminded Maya of Mr. Matthews.

"In class today, Maya, you were watching everybody. I could see in your eyes. You study people. I know because I do it too."

"What do you mean?"

"I know this might be hard to believe, but sometimes I have a little trouble making friends." Maya suppressed a snicker, but after their eyes met she and Farkle were both laughing. It felt good to laugh. Everything lifted for a minute. The weight off her chest. "Anyways, I like to study people so I can learn from them. And fit in with them." Maya was quiet for a moment after hearing this, in contemplation.

"I'm pretty sure that's the premise of _Dexter_."

"Damnit Maya!"

"Farkle, what's your problem?" They both turned so they were facing each other. "I didn't ask for your help."

"What's the real reason?"

"Because I don't need your help."

"No, no, what's the real reason that you didn't raise your hand in class today. About your future." Jesus, Farkle was really pressing her.

"Because I know I'll be an artist." Maya's voice shrunk and trembled with that reply. Keep it together,' she told herself. Farkle placed his hand on her leg and looked her in the eyes.

"Maya." Maya let the ambient noise of the city fill the air before she drew a breath to respond.

"Because I don't think I have a future. Because I don't give any though to living past the age of tomorrow. Because-" Maya's shoulders heaved. Her face was hot and she felt the tears begin to pour. "I have to go. You have to leave. I'm sorry."

"Maya, wait!" Farkle protested as Maya scurried into her apartment and closed the window, leaving him alone on the fire escape.

END CHAPTER TWO


	3. Chapter 3

8:00 pm. Maya curled into a ball on her bed. 'Idiot,' she thought to herself. 'Why couldn't you keep it together for ten goddamn minutes?' She wanted music. Music will make everything go away. But her phone Mr. Matthews had gotten her was across the room in her bag. Which meant she'd have to walk across the room. Which meant she'd have to stand up. Which meant she'd have to open her eyes. No music it is. Smoke? She had promised her mother she wouldn't in the house. Maya resolved to just flicking her lighter back and forth and trying to block it all out. 'At least he didn't try to kiss you this time. Maybe he is really growing up.' She smiled for a minute. 'But what if he knew. What if Lucas knew. What if…she knew.' Maya smushed a pillow over her head.

"Shut up."

'Imagine Riley turning red. She'd stammer out how she loves you and you're her best friend, but…"

"Shutup shutup shutup!"

Maya's mind would not relent. Instead, she recollected a few years prior.

"Maya I'm scared. What if nobody ever kisses me? What if we're old ladies and we've never had our first kiss?" Riley and Maya sat on the bay window. Riley was wearing a bright pink hoodie with a unicorn on it.

"That won't happen, Riles." Maya had to sooth her best friend. "Everybody finds somebody."

"What if we kiss each other right now? That way we'll have a first one, and then we won't be as scared." Maya giggled and she and Riley both turned a little so they faced each other better. "I don't know how."

"Me either." Maya leaned in, screwing her eyes shut as soon as she saw Riley do the same. They hovered for what felt like eternity before Riley broke the silence with a whisper.

"Are you going to start it or do I-" Maya swallowed all the butterflies rising from her stomach and pushed her lips into Riley's. It was messy and wet and she tried to use what in retrospect was a truly egregious amount of tongue. After a few seconds they pulled apart.

"Woah…we did it, Maya!"

"Yeah Riles. We really did." Riley hopped down from the bay window.

"Want to go watch TV? Maya?" Maya was frozen for a moment. Her own private infinity of confusion and awakening.

"Yeah yeah yeah. I'm coming."

'Do you think she could tell? Maybe she knows, maybe she laughs about it with her family whenever you leave.' That's ridiculous. The Matthews are the nicest people I know. 'Then why haven't you told them?'

After a few hours of debating her own fears, the front door creaked opened. 'Great, Mom's home. TV?' The soft buzz of voices from the television set drifted through the tiny apartment to Maya's room. 'Check. Beer?' Katy sighed as she opened and closed the fridge. 'Check. I give her ten minutes before she's snoring.' It didn't even take five.

As much as Maya didn't want to admit it to Farkle, she did need to talk to someone. She went to text Riley. Maybe not right now. She couldn't reach out to Farkle. Which leaves Lucas. 'You're gunna drag Ranger Rick into your mess with you? He won't care. No one cares.'

Fuck it.

 _Hey_ _Ranger Rick._

Maya started shaking a little. Her grip on the lighter in her left hand tightened, while she dropped the phone from her right hand momentarily.

 _Everything okay?_

Shit. That was fast.

'He'll think you're crazy.'

 _Sorry, I texted the wrong person_

 _There's another person you call Ranger Rick?_

 _I just wanted some company but I actually think I'm going to head to bed._

Maya groaned, turning to again bury her face in her pillow. Her phone buzzed not even two minutes later.

 _I can be over in 15._

 _You don't have to._

 _Would it help?_

 _It wouldn't hurt._

 _I'll be there in twenty._

Maya smiled to herself.

"Ha! Go fuck yourself, brain."

Her mother stirred in the other room.

"Maya…?"

"I'm fine Mom, go back to sleep." She wasn't fine, but she could breathe a little. Just don't push him away like you did Farkle.

'So, oh needy one, what exactly are you going to tell him? The truth? _The_ truth?' Maya grimaced before rising to open her window a crack. She went through three cigarettes before her phone buzzed.

 _Outside your building. Where should I come in?_

'Ranger Rick's come to the rescue.'

END OF CHAPTER THREE

Author's note: Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. This is my first fanfic and y'all have been so supportive. Next update should be out late on Tuesday. See you then!


	4. Chapter 4

Authors note: Sorry for late upload! Got swamped at school. Hopefully it was worth the wait

11:45 pm.

"So, what's going on?" Lucas sat on the corner of Maya's bed. He had come through the front door quietly (refusing to use the fire escape) but he could've been a fire engine and not woken Katy up at this point in the evening. He looked concerned. 'You've done a great job of scaring him. Texting him to come over in the middle of the night, then sitting in a silent ball on your bed. Real suave.'

"I- I'm just kinda freaking out, Lucas." There, that wasn't so hard.

Lucas curled his lips inwards, contemplating the right words to say.

"I guess it must be serious if you called me by my real name." He smiled, and Maya forced herself to laugh along gently. Hopefully he doesn't notice. 'Ah yes, because acting is the one trait you really inherited from Mom.' Fine, no more bullshit. Just tell him what's going on. Just say it. Just. Speak.

"Maya, I'm sorry if you really do just want to be left-"

"I think I'm in love with Riley." The words hung in the air. Lucas's eyes widened. He opened and closed his mouth several times, unsure of how to respond. 'Idiot of the year award goes to… Maya Hart! Congratulations, this is what, fifteen years in a row? Quiet the hot streak.' Maya could feel the hot tears begin to well up and pour from her cheeks. Nope. Nope. Nope. Cannot cry in front of Lucas. Maya spun around and buried her head in the pillow. She drew a shaky breath inwards before being overtaken by sobs.

"Hey hey hey, Maya. Maya. It's okay. It's okay. I'm here for you. I'm here for you. Just breath." Lucas laid down next to her. "Breath. In and out. Everything is going to be alright. Your family and friends are here for you." Maya laughed in spite of herself.

"Oh yeah, I've got mom of the year in the other room right there. She's really got my back. And who else, I've got Farkle, boy genius extraordinaire, I'm sure he really can empathize with being a fucking moron."

"You're not a-" Maya sat up now, a small fire in her eyes.

"Oh no, I'm not stupid. I'm just jeopardizing the Matthews, the only people who ever have given a damn about me, and Riley, my best friend. I keep being distant and cold with her because… Because I can't stop thinking about wanting to kiss her. So excuse me if I didn't want to pull the Texas ranger into my web of crazy. You're a regular friend. I don't really have many of those."

8:00 pm. Riley checked her phone for the fifth time in as many minutes. She had hardly spoken to Maya since school let out that day. She stared out her bay window so distantly that she didn't initially notice Farkle's entrance through it.

"Hey, Riley?" Riley's gaze broke, and she jumped a little as she was pulled back into reality.

"Hey Farkle. What, no 'ladies'?"

"There's only one of you right now, it'd be lady. That's actually why I'm here."

"What's going on?" Distress blossomed like a flower on Riley's face.

"Have you heard from Maya at all?"

"Not really, why?"

"I just stopped by her house, and she seems like she's having a really hard time with something. She wouldn't really say what."

"That's ridiculous. Maya tells me everything. Why wouldn't she tell me what's going on?"

"I don't know. Is there anything she's been avoiding when it comes up in conversation?" At this, Riley blushes slightly.

"Well, I mean she's been kind of changing the topic when I talk about Lucas. Wait, do you think she… likes Lucas?"

"I don't know Riley, but you should go talk to her and sort out whatever this is. If it is Lucas, or something else, it shouldn't come between you guys."

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go help Maya."

12:00 am.

"So, are you going to tell her?"

"Riley? Yeah, that's rich. She'd probably never speak to me again." Lucas put an arm on Maya's shoulder.

"Maya, she's your best friend, and she's one of the most accepting people we know. You don't have anything to fear."

"I'm just not ready yet, alright?" Lucas pulled his arm back.

"I'm sorry, it's totally your call." Maya stared up at the ceiling. "Thank you."

"Of course, it's totally your decision."

"No, not just that. You're the first person I've told about any of it. It feels really good, to say it out loud."

"I'm glad I can help you." Lucas leaned in and hugged Maya tightly. She rested her head on his shoulder for a minute. She felt exhausted, but she could also finally breath. There was a sense of calm. She wasn't alone. Her arms wrapped around Lucas tighter as she took a deep breath. The city lights in her window twinkled like stars. Then a shadow was cast onto her floor. Maya followed the shadow up and her eyes met Riley's. Maya's face was overcome with surprise. Riley's was consumed in confusion and pain.


End file.
